Forward This or Get Cancer!!!

Many chain emails are just stupid pictures of cats or dogs in "cute" poses with some second-rate text graphic claiming to help give you a nice day. Some inform us that we should be outraged at some more-often-than-not fake treachery that is happening, and pleading with us to some call-to-arms action that would never work in the real world and call us cowards if we don't forward their inane request.

But this email... this one is far different than the rest. It has balls.
This chain mail gives you freaking cancer.

That's right. If you receive this email, watch out. Because it will sneak around your home and plague you or a family member with cancer if you fail to forward it.

Oh, and it's a sneaky little pinprick, too. You open 'er up and for the first few moments, it looks like typical chain email retardery. It says it's famous "Hey, this is neat/cool/awesome line, and hammers up a made-up percentage of how many people won't forward it. But then, BAM!!!

This is pretty neat. 93% won't forward this
A small request. just one line.
Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen
93% WON'T FORWARD THIS, WILL YOU?
Always Remember
"WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND"
CANCER MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A "BIG DEAL" UNTIL IT HITS YOU OR YOUR FAMILY!!!

That looks like a heck of a lot more than one line, you lying sack of crap email.

You don't know it yet, but you've just been given an ultimatum. You see, as you started reading this email, you're thinking "Ok, some email prayer chain thing... trying to get the cure for cancer..."

Next, the email repeats that 93% of the people that get this email won't forward it and asks if you will. You bet your juicy double you will.

Smudged into the corner of the cancer-awareness pink area in red text of death it gives us something to remember: "What Goes Around, Comes Around". What?!? Is this email saying that if I don't forward this email, then I'm cursed to get cancer?!? Yes. That's exactly what it's saying, and don't you dare forget it. And then it expands it's threat in all caps:
CANCER MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A "BIG DEAL" UNTIL IT HITS YOU OR YOUR FAMILY!

It's not after just you - it's after your whole family! That's right folks, this email has just given you an offer you can't refuse... forward it or it will end you and all you love.

But let's look at this email again. Did you forget the fact that the email opens up saying that 93% of the people getting this email won't forward it? It was a very important little tidbit, because it actually repeated itself.

This means that this email is fully aware that it is handing out cancer to 93% of it's recipients! All in the name to find the cure?!? It better find the freaking cure, because it's going to kill a lot of people with cancer.

You know what I think? I think this email is created, not for the purpose of finding the cure, but for the purpose of spreading cancerous death everywhere!!! It could even be possible that this very email circulating the internets is none other than the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse.
I guess my grandmother was right when she said that computers were the Antichrist. Even if it isn't I think this email should be considered an act of terrorism. Or perhaps it's just another attempt to guilt trip poor sods into circulating yet another absolutely ignorant chain email. And I imagine it's doing quite well, actually... because it's been in my inbox at least 3 times already... which means at least 3 of you have doomed me and my whole family. So thanks, dipwads. I guess preying upon those with high sensitivity to guilt works.

In closing, I'd like to inform you that for every person you have ever met that you don't invite to read this website or joining the facebook page, Burt eats a baby.

Please, think of Burt.



Have an annoying chain email? Send it to meh, now! funwithchainemail@yahoo.com